Disappointment

I am a disappointed person. I am being disappointed so many times in my life. I always ask why? Am i too spoiled? I don't know.

But a disappointment always puts me in very bad mood and the worst part is sadness, it comes twice if person i trust disappointed me. I don't want to be this kind of person anymore. In exchange, i don't expect much things from people.. but it also turns back on me, i don't build connection with people. I restrict my relationship with other people.

I wish i could be grown enough to handle disappointment. But how could that be? I don't know how? Or even to understand the necessity of it.

Is my heart broken? Am i not healed enough? What pain from the past makes me today? I want to let it go. Sometimes "the pain" hurts people i care too. I don't know to whom i talk this things to. I might be feeling relieved when i pour it out in conversation, but in the end, i am just too good to define things with words, but expressing feelings.

Yeah like what i describe here, it explained well.. tho i know nothing bout it. The journey is just long still. Hope one day i can resolve this and my beloved family are still there too to witness it.